Baby Blues. I won’t lie, It was a rough 2 weeks.

baby-blues

I wrote about my second pregnancy being WAY different than my first, so was the aftermath.

My first pregnancy’s postpartum I would say was mainly depression based, I felt alone. I cried a lot. It stuck with me for about 3 years adding to it feelings of resentment towards my husband and the town I lived in. Having moved here from Toronto with no one to help me or to routinely talk to, life sucked big time.

I felt like I had no purpose other than to raise my child, cook, clean and pick up after my husband… which I know is the description of a ‘house wife’ but I felt I was brought up to be much more than that. I wanted a job and a social life… all of which I left behind when I moved here.

Fast forward to now I am happy, I have my own businesses, I’ve made some amazing friends and I found my love for my hobbies again. Go me!

With baby number two I experienced Baby Blues…. constant crying for pretty much exactly for 2 weeks. It was the weirdest thing ever because I couldn’t control the crying. It would happen several times a day and to complete strangers like the nurses and lactation consultants.

My mom I could see was getting tired of it lol, she told me to stop and I started to laugh because I couldn’t. Stupid hormones!

Not being able to nurse my daughter like I had planned was one cause, the second was lack of sleep and the third which I think was the main culprit was my son. The idea of not being able to spend my complete days with him was really taking a number on me.

For 6 years it was him and me, we were buddies. We did everything together or rather I did everything for him (read about his spectrum disorder). Now not being part of his daily routine while I take care of this new precious little baby was making me really sad. My husband wakes up with him, feeds him breakfast, gets his lunch ready and takes him to school in the mornings as well as put him to bed… all of which I used to do. I felt like I was going to loose my connection with my son.

I was in the hospital for 2 nights. I hadn’t seen him for 24+ hours. When he came to visit me at the hospital he literally looked like a different child, all grown up like I missed a year of his life. After he left with my family to go home, I cried so hard. My baby was all grown up.

The toughest part was letting go of the idea that he would stay small forever. That he would out grow my cuddles, kisses and ultimately me.

Today I can happily say that all those feelings are gone (thank god) and I’ve accepted that life moves on and grows.

He is the best big brother to his little sister and loves her with all his heart. He still loves his cuddles and kisses from me and tells me how much he loves me.

My little boy is now my little man :)

  • Cheryl

    I’m so glad to hear that you are feeling better now! If I had a second child, I think I would have those same feelings as well about being slightly separated from my son. Like you and your son, he’s my bestest little buddy and we do everything together. It would be hard for me to let some of that go.

    • whatiadore

      Thanks Cheryl! we love our boys! he’s so funny now, he love his little sister and he’s big on group hugs and pajama parties with her lol.